When the stakes are personal, it always hurts more.
[ she can't... really say she wants to think that way. losing ace hurt-- but she's not sure she can say she'd happily go back to throw someone else under a bus to change what happened. she'd want to, sure. but she's not sure she'd be able to live with that.
still. ]
I know you're referring to then and this won't undo everything you went through that weekend, but-- you know there's no way in hell we're not getting him back. I'll go over there and yell at him myself if he doesn't come back. [ HER GOATS. ] All of them.
[she's trying to be vague, because she doesn't want to say the name out of... respect, she supposes, or just a general fear of consequences, maybe. but there's a reason she thinks this way.]
I know. I'm not saying we're not. [and she goes quiet a bit, rubbing at her neck.]
[ don’t worry, she’s not asking. that’s something the person will have to say when the time comes, although the paper seems to be suggesting that be sooner rather than later. ]
Yeah. I do. [a beat.] Ace and Reigen were... they're the closest thing I've ever had to, like.
[she's vaguely embarrassed about this, so she stops.]
I just don't know if I can really forgive the person who killed Reigen and made Ace get voted for just because he was fulfilling some stupid quota. That's all. If it makes me selfish, it's not like I've ever been a hero anyway.
I don't know how I feel about whoever killed Satan. Annnd I don't know how I feel about Lillium killing Albedo, even when I know about the quota and I care a lot about his team. But I'm not mad at Ace for killing under the same pressures.
Because I'm shamelessly biased.
[ she is... she knows it's not black and white even if she doesn't want to see another case of scapegoating as badly as they did the week Hans died. ]
[she has such a hard time understanding people being really attached to their teams because she never really has been, but she's trying to get that.
she sighs a bit.]
Yeah. So am I. [just casually emits smoke from her mouth, it's fine] I know we're gonna get them back. I'm kind of tired of having to tell myself that over and over but I know it's what's gonna happen.
[she rubs at her hand, and then goes back to trying to look through costumes.]
I'm pretty sure there's a whole thing about it being up to you when you forgive someone. Or if you do. I don't think you have to, or anything. And I don't think you need to feel pressured to either.
I've never cared about being a good or fair person before is all. [but you spend a couple weeks around people and they're way more forgiving than you and you go well fuck]
Is it worth it? [...] I talked to Nico about it and he said that it was like, fine if I didn't ever, but he was gonna try, and I don't want to. I just want to be pissed.
[but then she feels guilty for being pissed when she's the only one!! it sucks!!]
I mean... yeah. If you want to try, you can. If you don't, you don't. [ big shrug. ] It's up to you whether you do or you don't, and you don't need to get permission to forgive or not. Like, people might pressure you but you can tell them to get lost.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ she can't... really say she wants to think that way. losing ace hurt-- but she's not sure she can say she'd happily go back to throw someone else under a bus to change what happened. she'd want to, sure. but she's not sure she'd be able to live with that.
still. ]
I know you're referring to then and this won't undo everything you went through that weekend, but-- you know there's no way in hell we're not getting him back. I'll go over there and yell at him myself if he doesn't come back. [ HER GOATS. ] All of them.
no subject
I know. I'm not saying we're not. [and she goes quiet a bit, rubbing at her neck.]
no subject
… It’s okay to feel complicated about it.
no subject
Yeah. I do. [a beat.] Ace and Reigen were... they're the closest thing I've ever had to, like.
[she's vaguely embarrassed about this, so she stops.]
I just don't know if I can really forgive the person who killed Reigen and made Ace get voted for just because he was fulfilling some stupid quota. That's all. If it makes me selfish, it's not like I've ever been a hero anyway.
no subject
Like I said. Complicated.
I don't know how I feel about whoever killed Satan. Annnd I don't know how I feel about Lillium killing Albedo, even when I know about the quota and I care a lot about his team. But I'm not mad at Ace for killing under the same pressures.
Because I'm shamelessly biased.
[ she is... she knows it's not black and white even if she doesn't want to see another case of scapegoating as badly as they did the week Hans died. ]
no subject
she sighs a bit.]
Yeah. So am I. [just casually emits smoke from her mouth, it's fine] I know we're gonna get them back. I'm kind of tired of having to tell myself that over and over but I know it's what's gonna happen.
[she rubs at her hand, and then goes back to trying to look through costumes.]
no subject
…
she just makes c’mere motions with her hands. come here come here. ]
no subject
no subject
silly. ]
no subject
no this cheers her up. she curls up into her hold, because she really likes tama hugs :uweh:]
no subject
I'm pretty sure there's a whole thing about it being up to you when you forgive someone. Or if you do. I don't think you have to, or anything. And I don't think you need to feel pressured to either.
It's up to you, ultimately.
no subject
I've never cared about being a good or fair person before is all. [but you spend a couple weeks around people and they're way more forgiving than you and you go well fuck]
no subject
Yeah?
It's kinda tiring when you're really mad about something. But I think it's worth it.
no subject
but she sighs]
Is it worth it? [...] I talked to Nico about it and he said that it was like, fine if I didn't ever, but he was gonna try, and I don't want to. I just want to be pissed.
[but then she feels guilty for being pissed when she's the only one!! it sucks!!]
no subject
[ nimona like uhhh but maybe i do not wish to. ]
I mean... yeah. If you want to try, you can. If you don't, you don't. [ big shrug. ] It's up to you whether you do or you don't, and you don't need to get permission to forgive or not. Like, people might pressure you but you can tell them to get lost.