It doesn't mean I don't wonder if it's worth it sometimes.
[ It broke his life and mind. But he's am idiot and he still can't even quite learn from his lessons and move on. ]
...Yeah, he was. He told me when I asked him his reasons why in jail. It sounded like a lot of the reasons why he became the way he is was because of losing her.
It just made me think about how I felt when I lost my brother. And what kind of different place I could've been in if I didn't have you.
[ Not to say that he would have become an anti world nihilist but more like he would probably be a more erratic person, just less hinged than he is now. ]
I don't think you couldn't look for the truth. You could leave well enough alone, but it'd eat at you.
[ she listens to his explanation, quietly. because it's not lost on her, the whole... losing a twin thing. look at what argalia became and what he did, and how ryuki had handled a similar loss in his life. ]
...
Maybe. But I think you're a much better person than you give yourself credit for sometimes, Ryuki. I don't think you'd have ever been driven to become someone along the lines of Argalia. [ ... and then she thumps her head on his shoulder. ] Not that what ifs really help here, because you do have me. You'll always have me.
[ He didn't give two shits about himself when his brother died. He dropped everything to pick up his brother's dream immediately, tore through the exams, signed away his left half for ABIS because he felt like it didn't exist anyway. He wouldn't have become an anti world murderer but he would've certainly been a different kind of madman, because ABIS doesn't hire normal people.
By his own admission, Tama filled that void. Made him finally feel a bit like he wasn't just a dead man walking, filling some shoes. ]
I'm not saying I would've become like Mr. Argalia, just that I think... it made me think a bit on how I used to be, and how different I could've been if you weren't there.
[ Would he have been better? Could he have avoided the shitty missteps he made every single way of his life if he was just a different person? He doesn't know, but he only knows this is the reality he's stuck with, and in it, Tama is his lifeline. ]
[ sign away your left half and get one (1) chatty AI with a dom streak. still, it's not like she hadn't had some idea that the guy she was being partnered with was, politely, a mess. she had functions and features created to handle things and manage his mental state, but even an AI could only do so much.
she's managed though. she'd done her best. it was easy, when you knew you were always going to protect someone no matter what. there was no core part of her programming that said she had to cover up things ryuki had done because she was scared something could happen to him -- something that could take him away from her, but she'd done it anyway. she'd do it again. ]
I wonder what I would've been like without you. You talk about all the ways I changed you, but Psyncers change their AI-Balls too. Like any real relationship where you meet someone and grow from meeting them.
[ she shifts her head slightly to look at him properly. ]
[ She also did actually have the ability to read his mind for about 5 months until they removed it so she would definitely have had insight on his erratic way of thinking and self-image. But really mostly, his personal high expectations and how he consistently fails to meet them, like how his thoughts are EVIL MUST BE DESTROYED and I HATE ALL EVIL IN THIS WORLD but then his actual actions are that he buys water and a sandwich for some sob who just stole from a house because he heard this person is starving and had no other choice. ]
Maybe someone you'd have to babysit less, but also maybe not. Aiba complains a lot, too.
[ Both Date and Mizuki need to be babysat so bad. It just comes with the job apparently. Burdened by existence... and annoying insane ABIS agents. ]
[ i love that they went "well, we don't need this anymore! privacy rights!" and took it away just in time for ryuki to have the biggest mental health crisis he could possibly have and for tama to have to deal with that solo with no magic window into his brain.
incredible. ]
If I'd been assigned Date you'd all have been in so much trouble.
[ ...
she wiggles an arm free and grabs his chin to make him look at her. ]
Okay, listen to me because I'm only saying this once. So you have to remember it. [ because it is Important. ]
I don't want any other partner. I'm glad it's you. [ she likes being the Tama she is because Ryuki is her partner. ]
[ Despite the relatively serious conversation he still has it in himself to look like yes, Tama and Date together is the worst thing ever. They've absolutely talked and Ryuki had been like okay get back over here we are done here.
There's a floating in thought bubble that's just pure black static and Mr... Date... at mention of his name, but that's basically normal these days. But he's manhandled and sometimes that's just enough distraction from less pleasant thoughts. ]
...I know. [ Of course you'd say that. ] And I do think you're too kind to me, Tama.
... You didn't want to hear it, so I won't make you listen. But I promise you, things will be okay. You'll see. [ she gives his chin a little squeeze -- she knows him well enough to know the quirks about him. like being manhandled. ]
And I think you should trust me when I tell you what I think!! I wouldn't say it just to be nice! I'm saying it because I mean it!
[ ... ]
I've just got used to being like this. It's weird to think it might all change again in the next couple of weeks. [ going from no body, always together, to having a body but not being connected like they have been for the past six years. it'll be weird again, going back. ]
[ He is about to suffer a comical amount for that 'okay'ness but hey, he's already suffered enough as it is. What's another five days... after the 2 months here. ]
I do trust you! You've never lied to me.
[ He doesn't have a comment about the second part, because he can't, really. Other than that he still thinks it's bizarre, but yeah, going back is also going to be a little strange; six years or nor, two months is a while to get acclimated to something. ]
[ he’s surviving. not goatviving, but surviving. it’s fine, date will be showing up in like a week. he’ll have a terrible, stinky virus man to make puppy dog eyes at again… all will be well… ]
So don’t tell me you think I’m being too kind to you! I’m being as kind as I want to be! [ and still she bullies him. thhhhhat’s affection.
tweets pewter like hey can you make a body that lets me hug people again i like hugs. ]
[ she really needs to dial 0800-find-a-parental-figure or something because lord knows he needs some guidance that isn’t boss or kaname “mizuki why did you delete my perfectly legitimate animal husbandry videos from my computer” date. ]
You just make it sound like you think I’m wasting my time, or you don’t deserve it. Which you do. [ ass. she’s trying to smoosh his chin now. ] There are extremes, sure. [ like buying a criminal lunch ] But not here, in this exact situation. You know I’d yell at you if I needed to.
[ god knows he needs people to be kind to him! and also to boss him around. and tie him up, i guess. and— ]
[ No. Ryuki can't be normal about approval and attention. He's like a starving puppy for it. He'll make it weird eventually. Also let's be real Boss has not been very good for his mental health either. ]
Can you stop messing with my face, please? I heard it's not good for the skin...
[ his skin is flawless and he looks 18, he’s fine.
but fine, she will stop smooshing his face. he will miss this when it’s gone (no he won’t). he gets a little apology peck where she was gripping his face though because impulse week is my excuse for tama to give everyone hugs and physical affection. ]
I’m making a point. [ but fine. his face is free now. he is no longer a pony, but he does have his horse emotions.
oh. uh. i had thought like on the jawline but now i need to debate if i’m a coward or not give me a moment. and the moment ended up being like two hours help.
schrodinger’s smooch, it’s probably like. at the corner of his mouth or something. torments the mods and anyone reading this post-game. ]
In that case he does look just a little surprised that this happens, tensing up a little. Like, not as in he got tense but I'm tired and words, just stiffening up a bit in surprise but -- it's Tama. He writes it off as something she'd... probably just do. ]
...Um, right.
[ Beat pause silence, then. ]
Oh, I should -- the newspaper from Thursday, if you haven't seen it yet.
[ he would’ve um okay’d that as well. tiny tragedy. ]
Whaaat exactly are we looking at from the Thursday edition? The horoscopes? The slightly insane article about building a boat who I think I can guess the author of?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But I’d still want to hear it from him.
no subject
...Yeah. If you say so.
no subject
[ maybe ignorance is bliss... ]
no subject
[ Even if the truth has been detrimental to him before. ]
...Did you know Mr. Argalia also had a twin?
no subject
[ please. ]
He was someone I didn't really talk to. [ ... ] So, no. I didn't know.
no subject
[ It broke his life and mind. But he's am idiot and he still can't even quite learn from his lessons and move on. ]
...Yeah, he was. He told me when I asked him his reasons why in jail. It sounded like a lot of the reasons why he became the way he is was because of losing her.
It just made me think about how I felt when I lost my brother. And what kind of different place I could've been in if I didn't have you.
[ Not to say that he would have become an anti world nihilist but more like he would probably be a more erratic person, just less hinged than he is now. ]
no subject
[ she listens to his explanation, quietly. because it's not lost on her, the whole... losing a twin thing. look at what argalia became and what he did, and how ryuki had handled a similar loss in his life. ]
...
Maybe. But I think you're a much better person than you give yourself credit for sometimes, Ryuki. I don't think you'd have ever been driven to become someone along the lines of Argalia. [ ... and then she thumps her head on his shoulder. ] Not that what ifs really help here, because you do have me. You'll always have me.
no subject
By his own admission, Tama filled that void. Made him finally feel a bit like he wasn't just a dead man walking, filling some shoes. ]
I'm not saying I would've become like Mr. Argalia, just that I think... it made me think a bit on how I used to be, and how different I could've been if you weren't there.
[ Would he have been better? Could he have avoided the shitty missteps he made every single way of his life if he was just a different person? He doesn't know, but he only knows this is the reality he's stuck with, and in it, Tama is his lifeline. ]
no subject
she's managed though. she'd done her best. it was easy, when you knew you were always going to protect someone no matter what. there was no core part of her programming that said she had to cover up things ryuki had done because she was scared something could happen to him -- something that could take him away from her, but she'd done it anyway. she'd do it again. ]
I wonder what I would've been like without you. You talk about all the ways I changed you, but Psyncers change their AI-Balls too. Like any real relationship where you meet someone and grow from meeting them.
[ she shifts her head slightly to look at him properly. ]
... Do you sometimes wish you'd never met me?
no subject
Maybe someone you'd have to babysit less, but also maybe not. Aiba complains a lot, too.
[ Both Date and Mizuki need to be babysat so bad. It just comes with the job apparently. Burdened by existence... and annoying insane ABIS agents. ]
...
I sometimes wish you had someone better than me.
But I haven't ever wished I never met you.
no subject
incredible. ]
If I'd been assigned Date you'd all have been in so much trouble.
[ ...
she wiggles an arm free and grabs his chin to make him look at her. ]
Okay, listen to me because I'm only saying this once. So you have to remember it. [ because it is Important. ]
I don't want any other partner. I'm glad it's you. [ she likes being the Tama she is because Ryuki is her partner. ]
no subject
There's a floating in thought bubble that's just pure black static and Mr... Date... at mention of his name, but that's basically normal these days. But he's manhandled and sometimes that's just enough distraction from less pleasant thoughts. ]
...I know. [ Of course you'd say that. ] And I do think you're too kind to me, Tama.
no subject
... You didn't want to hear it, so I won't make you listen. But I promise you, things will be okay. You'll see. [ she gives his chin a little squeeze -- she knows him well enough to know the quirks about him. like being manhandled. ]
And I think you should trust me when I tell you what I think!! I wouldn't say it just to be nice! I'm saying it because I mean it!
[ ... ]
I've just got used to being like this. It's weird to think it might all change again in the next couple of weeks. [ going from no body, always together, to having a body but not being connected like they have been for the past six years. it'll be weird again, going back. ]
no subject
I do trust you! You've never lied to me.
[ He doesn't have a comment about the second part, because he can't, really. Other than that he still thinks it's bizarre, but yeah, going back is also going to be a little strange; six years or nor, two months is a while to get acclimated to something. ]
no subject
So don’t tell me you think I’m being too kind to you! I’m being as kind as I want to be! [ and still she bullies him. thhhhhat’s affection.
tweets pewter like hey can you make a body that lets me hug people again i like hugs. ]
no subject
Being too kind isn't lying, it's like when people think I'm a pushover or crazy for being nice. But I'm serious.
[ He's thinking about Reigen who was so sure Ryuki was an alien. ]
no subject
You just make it sound like you think I’m wasting my time, or you don’t deserve it. Which you do. [ ass. she’s trying to smoosh his chin now. ] There are extremes, sure. [ like buying a criminal lunch ] But not here, in this exact situation. You know I’d yell at you if I needed to.
[ god knows he needs people to be kind to him! and also to boss him around. and tie him up, i guess. and— ]
no subject
Can you stop messing with my face, please? I heard it's not good for the skin...
[ Finally protests some about his face abuse. ]
no subject
I feel like you’re trying to change the subject.
[ his skin is flawless and he looks 18, he’s fine.
but fine, she will stop smooshing his face. he will miss this when it’s gone (no he won’t). he gets a little apology peck where she was gripping his face though because impulse week is my excuse for tama to give everyone hugs and physical affection. ]
no subject
[ His horse emotions. They're real.
Like, on the lips or. ]
no subject
oh. uh. i had thought like on the jawline but now i need to debate if i’m a coward or not give me a moment. and the moment ended up being like two hours help.
schrodinger’s smooch, it’s probably like. at the corner of his mouth or something. torments the mods and anyone reading this post-game. ]
no subject
In that case he does look just a little surprised that this happens, tensing up a little. Like, not as in he got tense but I'm tired and words, just stiffening up a bit in surprise but -- it's Tama. He writes it off as something she'd... probably just do. ]
...Um, right.
[ Beat pause silence, then. ]
Oh, I should -- the newspaper from Thursday, if you haven't seen it yet.
no subject
…
[ but y’know, sometimes you keep getting um okay’d. ]
From Thursday? What about it?
no subject
Don't you want to see it? Just to know. I left it in my room in case trial got hectic.
no subject
Whaaat exactly are we looking at from the Thursday edition? The horoscopes? The slightly insane article about building a boat who I think I can guess the author of?
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)